Article by renowned Life Coach, Sloan Sheridan-Williams on how to know your man is lying and it’s spot on.
It works both ways for women even-though women mask lies better than men..If you talk to your man and he exhibits these characteristics, it’s safe to say he’s lying
It takes him a while to answer your questions
If your boyfriend pauses before answering difficult questions about his faithfulness in the relationship then it could be a sign that he is lying.
Delay in response time is often caused by the time it takes his brain to fabricate information before telling it to you. Liars have longer response times as they typically need extra time to come up with their answers to make sure they sound truthful.
Overuse of fillers such as ‘well, umm, ah, uh huh’
When you ask someone a direct yes or no question and they begin their response with the word ‘well,’ it means they are about to give you an answer they know you are not expecting.
To gain extra time to construct a believable answer, your boyfriend may use deflective word fillers such as ‘umm,’ ‘ah,’ and ‘uh huh’ before responding.
He becomes defensive and deflects
You may also find the unskilled liar is just outright evasive rather than using additional unnecessary words. They will get defensive. People who feel they have been pushed into a corner often use the art of deflection to get themselves some more metaphorical breathing room.
They may answer your question with a question such as ‘Are you really accusing me of cheating?’ or ask you to repeat your question.
He avoids eye contact and appears to blink more than usual
Increased blinking, known as eye flutter, is a sign of anxiety and is a typical visual cue that someone is lying as is a change in the level of eye contact.
It is widely believed that a liar will avoid eye contact. However, recent studies have shown that humans will naturally break eye contact to help them focus and remember.
Eye movements are indicators as to the cognitive processes and often referred to in neuro-linguistic analysis. For example, looking to the up and to the left is remembered imagery and looking laterally to the right is often constructed sounds and words i.e lies.
He swallows and clears his throat more often
Swallowing or clearing the throat before responding to a question can be a signal that the person is about to lie as anxiety and discomfort can produce a physiological response as adrenaline is released which initially increases the production of saliva which then has to be swallowed thus lubricating the throat.
The continued production of adrenaline then stops saliva production which results in a dry throat and throat clearing behaviour increases if the lies continue.
He fidgets
Fidgeting is a common sign of deception as it is the result of nervous energy produced by fear, usually the fear of being found out. Fidgeting releases this nervous energy and the person either fidgets with random things in front of them or their own body.
Other forms of fidgeting increase due to blood flow and sensory elements of deception. This can include touching or scratching one’s nose or touching behind their ear.
He shrugs
Liars tend to rehearse their verbal lie but not their gestures. When someone’s body language and facial expressions are not matching their words you know you are not getting the whole story.
He becomes overly informative
The content of a lie is like looking at the foundations of a building. Liars tend to think they need more information to make the very fabric of their lie hold together.For this reason, they often give too much information as if to convince themselves of their own story.
In doing so they often disassociate from the lie itself and this can be seen in the language they choose such as a reduced amount of pronouns.
He shows signs of relief when you appear to believe his stories and lies
The other way to catch your boyfriend out in a lie is to act as if you have more information than you do and then allow them to question you.
Here you are looking to find the cues of relief on their face once you let them find out that actually you have far less information than you thought. The relief might also be expressed in their body language which will become far looser and less rigid and they let go of the stress they were holding.
Your boyfriend’s relief at your revelation that you actually have no information will often give away the fact that there is something out there they do not want you to know. This may not indicate that he is cheating but it definitely indicates there is information that he does not want you to know about.
His posture is defensive
Last but not least, defensive posture is a very obvious body language cue and one we are all probably familiar with and therefore a good cue to use as a sign of possible deception.
We tend to cross our arms when we want to protect ourselves from conflict. Such a defensive posture creates a physical barrier between the perceived threat and/or uncomfortable question and the person asking the question.
A liar might stand or sit, adopting a crossed-arms stance or might even use furniture to create the barrier, like standing behind a chair or table. The position a person adopts when telling the truth is normally open, allowing you to come in to their body space – especially if you are in a relationship.
If you find your proximity to your loved one has decreased this is another form of defence against being found out
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